And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
