She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
