Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
