Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
