i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
