Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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