Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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