but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
