he wants to bone in the snuggie
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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