He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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