she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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