is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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