she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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