You just made me feel so damn special
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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