Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
