just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
