I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
