Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
