ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
