You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
