i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
