guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize