I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
