I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
