nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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