just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
