my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
