Whod you bang
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
