I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
