I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
