so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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