I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
