69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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