im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
