she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
