So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
