I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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