Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize