I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
