She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
