Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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