i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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