I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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