Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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