I got chris browned last night
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
