he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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