i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
