Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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