good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
