is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
