The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want her autograph on my taint
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
