I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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