you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
