We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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