coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
