i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
