I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
