At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
