i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
