Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
